day 5 - gettin' the fuck outta' dodge

I'm gonna' skip straight to the airplane ride home because hearing about us having breakfast and impatiently sitting around the lobby of our hotel waiting for our driver to pick us up doesn't make for good blogging material.

Okay...remember, this is only my daughter's second flight.

So we're on the plane and everything was fine at first. The woman originally seated next to me moved to the back of the plane. I think a few seats had become available and she and her husband wanted to sit together. I thought that could only be a positive sign of a good flight ahead of us, having the entire row to myself, since I despise smaller planes and the uncomfortable nature of having to sit in such close quarters with a stranger sitting next to me.

It was just coincidental that towards the beginning of the flight, I made sure there was an air sickness bag in the seat pocket in front of my daughter's seat. It was towards the end of the flight that made me feel like we were in that 1980 movie Airplane and something fucked up was going on in the cockpit.

We suddenly started going from side to side. Taking excessive dips during our descent that even made my stomach do flip-flops. I was trying not to think about it, and then...

"Mom, I don't feel so good."

Fuuuuuuuck!!!!

I grabbed that air sickness bag so fast, I'm sure I was too quick for the human eye to see! I put it underneath her nose, told her to close her eyes, to try to think of something else and to breathe through it. All the while, I was in a cold sweat and feeling like I could yarf at any second, too. Had their been an air sickness bag in my possession I wouldn't have been able to control myself so it was a blessing that there wasn't. Could you have imagined two people simultaneously barfing?! What a lovely thought! So I had to do the same as my daughter and do my best not to think about it. It was the worst 10 minutes of both our lives.

We landed and she let out such a huge sigh of relief into that bag. When we got into the terminal, I got her the biggest, coldest bottle of water she's ever seen and she downed that baby in less than a minute! By the time we got to our car in the parking lot, she was a very happy camper again. As was I.

That's the end to my NYC tale and like the trip, I'm glad it's over.

day 4 - the last day in hell

So where was I?

Oh right, the fight. The following morning, our last day, my family acted like nothing had happened and brushed it under the rug like they do with all their other demons.

Didn't have to rush out the door first thing in the morning so I spent some time that morning and the night before packing and trust me, I couldn't do it fast enough!

By 10 am, it was very important (that's right, according to my sister), to be at the Hershey store near Times Square. Right, the Hershey store, directly across the street from the M&M store which I've been to before and which I know my kids would have preferred seeing since it was 3 floors of M&M paraphernalia compared to one floor at the Hershey store, but whatever...the kids each bought something, had fun looking at the enormous-sized candy bars and then we were off to show them the sleaze that is Times Square.

We had to meet up with one of my sister's friends and her kids for lunch at an Italian eatery by 11 am. I've met her friend before and she has kids my kids' ages so it was very nice to see her again and meet her kids plus my kids enjoyed themselves. Just the fact that we had to follow such a strict schedule was the ridiculous part.

After a nice, leisurely lunch, we walked a few blocks to the theater where my mom, the kids and I would see Mary Poppins. Originally, it was supposed to be both my parents that attended but my sister decided that my son was being too much of a brat (I am not mincing words) and suggested that I go in place of my dad because I can control the kids better. Given what had transpired the day before between my dad and my son, I readily agreed to this change because at least I knew that my kids would have a good time and not constantly be ridiculed by my father. Turns out that my sister and parents have very little faith in my kids because my kids were on their best behavior, never acted up or out once and adored the show which was wonderful and definitely the highlight of the trip for me. If you ever get to NYC, it's a must-see.

Afterwards, we met up with my father and sister at a Kosher restaurant called Ben's Deli, we ordered too much, we ate too much and we left feeling like we were about to explode.

Back at the hotel, my daughter got one last kick out of my calling up the front desk and asking for a bucket of ice to be delivered to our room. We cuddled, talked about the trip and went to bed.

I was SO ready to leave!

day 3 - and now the real fun begins!

I awoke Friday morning with both my calf muscles completely pulled after having climbed the stairs at the Statue of Liberty the day before. My daughter giggled at my hobbling around but trust me, I wasn't laughing along with her! Especially since that day we were scheduled to go The Museum of Natural History and lots of walking and not much fun were to be had!

The museum was something my kids were really looking forward to especially since this is where one of their favorite movies from last year, Night at the Museum, was filmed. They were interested in seeing all the things they saw in the movie. According to my sister's schedule, even a few minutes here and there so that we could take a pee, that was not to happen.

Oh sure, she said we'd have time but did we? Of course not. This is the woman who handed me an itinerary of our weekend plans about 30 minutes after we arrived in NYC. Yes, an itinerary. For some odd reason, she felt that buying tickets to 4 different exhibits that day was necessary - the planetarium, an exhibit on mythical creatures that turned out to be a total bust, an exhibit on frogs and...one that was obviously not high on the interesting scale since I can't even remember WTF it was. But all that wasn't what made the day so entertaining. No, no, no! It was having a near knock-down, drag-out fight with my father and sister in the middle of the fucking museum!!

It all started when my father was trying to tell my son something and my son, unresponsive, just kept on walking ahead without acknowledging my dad. My dad, in his own mind, is like E.F. Hutton - when he talks, you listen and of course, my son not hanging on his every word was making my father VERY. Angry. My father started with his shit, how my son has no manners and this, that and the other thing. Even I couldn't hear what he was saying at first, the place was so damn loud. I usually bite my tongue when it comes to my dad acting out, there's just no point engaging him, but that day, he was just pissing me off to no end with the shit he was saying to and about my son, his only grandson, that I cracked. I actually told him to shut up, grow up and then there was the 'asshole' and 'jerk' comments that escaped my lips as I was leading the kids away from the rest of those whacky people I call family. I took my kids to this discovery place for kids. It was kinda' stupid and it was too young for them but I would have dashed naked into Central Park at that point just to get away from them. My father started calling me on the cell phone. Through static, I could hear him apologize, and demanding that we meet them back where I'd left them. I lost the signal, he called back and I sent him to voicemail. I told the kids we were going back for a minute, found my sister in one of her bipolar moments, crying and being a bitch in the middle of the atrium directly outside of where we were, saying that I was completely disrespecting both she and my father. Now let's stop there for a moment. If any of you remember what my "vacations" are like at my parents' place, then you'll remember me telling you all about my sister's temper tantrums and how downright nasty she can be with both my parents when she doesn't get her way. So here was someone calling me disrespectful when she treats my parents like total shit a good part of the time! I lost it. My father tried to talk to me, apologizing once again, and I basically said that I didn't travel all that way for people to treat me and my children like shit and that I would not tolerate the kind of abuse that he and my demented (yes, I used that word to describe her) sister were dishing out to me and my son and if it didn't stop, they would NEVER see me or the kids again, EVER. I said more but when you're that heated about something, it fades quickly from the memory banks.

To say that shut them all the hell up would be putting it mildly. I was so completely raging at them, that people on the 4th floor could probably hear me. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't get booted out of that place. I ignored them for the rest of our time spent there. I couldn't even look at them, they made me so sick. Unfortunately, there came a time when I had to talk to them because when we left there, my mom and I had to take my daughter to the American Girl store and my father and sister had to take my son to the ESPN Zone.

Getting back to the museum for a moment...the real clincher and what really made steam rise from the top of my head is that the kids never did see one thing that they wanted to see. And this was after my sister assured and reassured me before the trip that there would be enough time for them to see everything they wanted. Can you say "RRRRRRRR!"?!

Needless to say, from that point on I was counting down the milliseconds to our departure.

More to come...

day 2 - ferries and taxis and barf, oh my!

The second day of our NYC vacation was probably the worst. The overcast skies from the day before carried over. We had tickets to see the Statue of Liberty and the fog was thicker than pea soup. My son kept pointing out the buoys on the water and I told him "You might as well take a picture 'cause that's probably the only thing you're gonna' get to see today!!". Suddenly, someone exclaimed "There she is!" and I turned to see the outline of the base of the statue and I said "Oooo! Aaahh!!". As always, I was my usual loud self, not realizing that I said what I did loud enough that the bottom deck of the ferry could hear me and everyone broke out in laughter. If I knew I was gonna' be the onboard comedienne, I would have asked to be paid for my services!

We arrived at Liberty Island, or whatever the fuck they call it, and we had to stand in several security lines before finally getting in. I'm pretty sure all the waiting and security checkpoints took us close to an hour.

Now here's a suggestion to all...if you have any ailments whatsoever, whether it's bad joints or, perhaps, a case of exercise-induced asthma, it's not a good idea to sneak out of the elevator line when your family's back is turned and climb the 156 stairs up to the observation deck. I thought climbing would be a breeze. O. M. G. I thought at one point I was near death. About 24 stairs left to the observation deck and I told my kids I had to take a break as my asthma had totally kicked in. Ten minutes later, I had caught my breath enough to continue on up and do you know what I saw? Absofuckinlutely nothing. All you get to see is straight up the statue on all sides which is obviously not a good picture angle. And then you have to be about 6 feet tall to see over the stone observation wall. It was a waste of a prefect lung, lemme' tell you. Then, when we got back down and went to wait in line for the ferry to Ellis Island, my legs were shaking so bad my mother thought I was having some kind of seizure.

We got to Ellis Island and by this point, I was really starting to feel the effects of motion sickness from the fucking ferry ride. And my daughter was no better. While everyone else went inside the building, my daughter and I decided instead to hold down a park bench and enjoy a nice breeze that was blowing. About 30 minutes later, we were back on the ferry to go back to Manhattan. That last ferry ride did me in. I love it when people try to reassure those who get motion sickness that you can't feel the waves on the ferry because they are so full of shit!

My parents, if you recall, had not gotten into town 'til late the night before and decided they were going to bow out of lunch so they could go rest at the hotel. We were all looking forward to a light lunch and sweets at Chocolate by the Bald Man (don't forget to check out the menu) but alas, my daughter and I were not up for it as we lucked out and found the one taxi driver in NYC who REALLY did not know how to drive! Both my daughter and I bagged the lunch, left my son with my sister and drove the rest of the way green around the gills. In the elevator to our room, I was thinking to myself "Hmmm, it's a toss up - do I get in the room and immediately lay down or do I barf first?!". Luckily, laying down right away turned out to be the better solution, we slept for a few hours and despite not having eaten lunch, we felt much better when we woke up. We went out to a nice dinner here and afterwards, we walked my parents to a theater a block away as they had tickets to see a show, my sister and son went back to her place and my daughter and I went back to the hotel for the night.

The two things that were the most memorable for me was on the drive to Battery Park where you catch the ferry ride to The Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, I saw the area where the World Trade Center once stood. And then as we got out of the cab to catch the ferry, I saw a fire engine with the following printed on it's side...

9/11 All gave some. Some gave all.

Wow.

Stay tuned...

day 1 - the departure/arrival

Boy, did we pick a bad day to fly out.

Of all days, there was a bad storm over most of NY state. Our flight was the only flight out of our area that actually departed. All the other airlines from our airport canceled their flights. Why our flight was able to take off I can't explain to you, but I'm certainly not complaining!

My daughter's first flight went off without a hitch. Takeoff was a little iffy as she looked like she was gonna' chunk for the first few minutes. I thought seating her near the window would keep her from getting motion sickness but apparently looking out of it while the plane was speeding down the runway, made her dizzy. But she survived and all was well within a few minutes.

Towards the end of the flight, the woman sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said "You must travel with your kids often because y'all look really relaxed.". As I was shocked to hear that, she was just as surprised that it was my daughter's first flight and that I hate to fly!

As we approached our destination, the pilot announced that our flight was the last one being permitted to land due to the storms. Phew! We were going to make it afterall!

We landed safe and sound despite some stormy turbulence, my sister had graciously hired a private driver for our convenience and she was waiting for us at the hotel by the time we arrived.

From there, we dropped our luggage off in our room, we took my son's luggage with us as he had chosen to stay with my sister during our stay and we walked about 4 blocks up Park Avenue to my sister's place. My kids were absolutely intrigued by homeless people! It's not like we don't have them here, it's just that the ones we do have aren't so primarily located so my kids don't see them!

We had takeout at her place, hung out for awhile and ummed and awwed over the news that my parents had spent 10 hours at their airport waiting for their flight to take off and still weren't expected in 'til later that night. We went back to the hotel so that my daughter and I could unpack and get some rest. Rest was not an immediate thing in my daughter's future that night as she was so over-tired that she couldn't get comfortable and found a reason to cry over everything - she missed my parents, she was pissed that we didn't do anything fun all day, she missed her dad, she didn't like the covers on her bed...you name it and she found fault with it. No matter how much I looked forward to getting a decent night's rest that night, it was not to be had as I had to share the bed with my daughter just to get her to calm down. To say I regretted it would be an understatement - if she had inserted her big toe into my ass one more time, I would have pushed her off the bed. Yes, even with loving her as much as I do.

To be continued...

in preparation for my posting...

...please put your trays up and have your seats in an upright position.

And thank GOD for air sickness bags!

But let me not get too ahead of myself...I'm home, again, thank GOD! The trip was...fine. I always have to remind myself that these trips to see family isn't about me.

Let me stop there and announce that, in no offense to anyone who lives in or hails from NYC, not everyone is a fan of your "grand" city.

With that, I'll be posting my experiences as they happened on a day-to-day basis. You may see one later today or you may see one in a day or so. But lucky you, y'all will get to experience my trip just like I did.

Don't say I never did anything for ya'.